A Sticky Crime

Private Eye--February, 1994
O Globo

``I've made some weird arrests in my time, but this even beats the woman shoplifting with a rabid donkey for protection last month,'' Sergeant Paulo Quadros of the Belo Horizonte police force told reporters.

``This time, it took twelve of us, including eight firemen, and we had to take a dozen floor boards into custody as well.''

Sergeant Quadros was answering questions about the arrest of Sergio De Sa, on charges of aggravated theft. ``De Sa is a glue sniffer, who steals from shops to feed his habit. On Saturday night he broke into the Gola Gola glue factory, but he lost control when saw the really good stuff and started inhaling directly from the vats. Of cause, he was overcome by fumes after one sniff and lost his balance, upsetting a vat of glue as he fell. By the time he came round, he was stuck to the floor and had to lie there helplessly until the workers turned up on Monday morning. They couldn't shift him and in the end, we had to get a powersaw and cut round him. The factory owner lost a days production and he lost the skin off his back.''

``While we were charging him, he said it was worth it as Gola Gola Quickstix was the premier cru [sic] of glue. What is with these people? Are they nuts? Last month we arrested another guy with tubes stuck right up both nostrils. He died in custody. Someone called him Walrus face and he laughed so much he hemorrhaged.''

WoS Edited and converted to HTML by Dan Bornstein, danfuzz@milk.com.